So… Here it is.

I'd like to talk to you directly… about whatever I noticed up to this point. Of course, please correct me if I'm wrong but… do we have a "thing"?

I kept writing these weird little messages in the box and something told me since a while ago that you actually read them… sometimes? Or always 🫢, and even responded or reacted.

For a little context, to me at first you were this pretty girl with a beautiful side profile and a very kissable forehead that I like to listen to on Youtube, because of the way your brain works, specially in piecing reason together. It resonates with me, and I think mine works similarly (*in that department). Then, after a whole year of my denial, avoidance, insecurity, suppression, whatever it was… You still kept… interested, I can say?

I remember, on last January 26th I scrolled through your Instagram, saw snapshots of your story, the incredible dedication, the change, the fight, the recovery, the healing, the shining bright of your beautiful heart… Your potential was obvious, so I sent that message. I fell in love. But I couldn't believe it would ever work out, so I abstracted away from it.

I knew from the beginning that you feel very deeply, because you talked about it, and I want to respect it. Sorry for making you cry, for confusion. That wasn't my intention. Though to be perfectly honest, I can't say I didn't like it either, and I did wanted to see what would happen if I said nothing. I wasn't mean, it just took me long to accept someone was actually feeling something towards me, even though I didn't know how to commit to it.

I don't understand how it happened, if it was the cute little "i love you b" written in the initials of paragraphs in a comment I wrote once (and how tf you noticed), if was the consistency in the comments, etc.

I wonder, what do you feel about this, about us?

Also how about the 'outsourcing of communication'? Is that a thing? Does "David" ring any bells? Or did I just lose it to a crazy form of pareidolia 😵‍💫? Did you talk to Ana? Was that read from Foggy yours? Do you have a some sort of mafia girl boss group with Delilah? Were "Stacy" you on Substack? (I'm not that down bad ok wtf -.-)

Well… If I'm wrong about all of this at least you can have a laugh about how absurd it's sounding.

That said, I should've told you this since the 'book a call' thing but I just didn't have the courage to. Now I'm actually generally more confident thanks to your help, directly or indirectly. Thank you.

And a few things I about myself. My name is Lucas, we're almost 11 thousand kilometers apart, from São Paulo city (Brazil) to Portland, 25yo, broke, I have nothing to be proud of but my character, and probably my biggest problem right now is how (*)I'm the exact opposite of that part of you that's very motivated and an achiever, I honestly don't care about that stuff most of the time, I feel I don't have a reason to. Then I've fallen for complacency. I do frame it negatively but at the same time I'm happy, I feel like every new day is my best to date, with rare exceptions, simply because I've got the opportunity to experience it. That's how I carried my life so far, it just "worked" for me, but for me alone. Now, I don't have the resources to do anything extraordinary like change up my life, if it were to come it it; but I'm also very free, I can choose anything. I never dated. I did eventually mentioned 'this girl' in the little box and in Ana's comments once so let me explain: I'm a regular at this local fruits and veggies grocery shop and the girl there was clearly interest and for a while I thought "well, that may be it", but I never talked to her. So, just to iron that out because something told me that you thought I was 'tangled' with someone else… No. You're my first and only one.

Would you like to move things further? Yes I want a girlfriend, I want to call you mine, I want to love you, but first it feels more prudent to go slow.

I'll give you time to think, you don't have to answer friday, but just let me know otherwise. And no worries, my lips are sealed, I take pride in my discretion.

Oh yes and your birthday is coming up 🙏

-t